Don’t remember when i wrote this. Wasn’t too long ago, tho. Found it in my drafts. Almost made me cry again. I feel like every time you’re feeling such intense feelings, you NEED to write them down and come back to them later. No drunk twitter or tumblr posts. Save it. Come back to it. Reread it. Feel the pain you were once feeling, and appreciate how far you’ve come.
“It’s that feeling you get when your whole body tenses up.
You forget how to breathe because suddenly there’s no air in your lungs anymore.
Your jaw locks and your limbs get numb.
Your whole body feels like someone is stabbing it with a million needles. Your heart drops down past the floor and your stomach does back flips inside your body.
Your head aches and you feel like you haven’t slept in weeks.
It’s like someone is purposely sucking the air out of your body.
Like you don’t exist.
Like you don’t matter.
I cried for the first time in a year. Not a sad cry. Not a mad cry. But a hopeless cry. The feeling of worthlessness.
You never really know how much something can affect you.
The more you bottle stuff in, the more likely you are to blow up.
You would think that trying to forget something would actually work after so long, but in reality, it just makes you realize how much it really impacted you.”